Bhai Dooj in India: A Sibling’s Bond, Told in Rituals and Recipes

Statewise Rituals: From Sacred Threads to Playful Curses

Maharashtra and Goa: Bhau Beej’s Bittersweet Bit 

Growing up in Mumbai, I always looked forward to Bhau Beej, even with its strange tradition. Sisters would carefully draw rangoli on the floor, and my brother would be offered a piece of a bitter fruit called karith. He’d have to eat it, a symbolic promise to endure life’s hardships with me. It’s a bittersweet moment that always sticks with me. After that, came the aarti and the tilak, followed by the exchange of gifts. Now, when my brother is away, we still do the aarti on a video call, the flames flickering on my screen as I perform the ritual. It’s not the same, but the love is.

West Bengal: Bhai Phonta’s Fast and Flourishes 

The Bengali festival of Bhai Phonta feels like a beautiful, living piece of art. My best friend from Kolkata has told me all about her mornings on this day. She observes a fast before she can even begin the sacred ritual. The aarti is an elegant dance, the air thick with the scent of sandalwood and ghee. The tilak itself, a mix of these ingredients along with kajal, is applied with a grace I can only imagine. The real reward, of course, comes later—the house fills with the sweet smell of coconut laddoos and rich kheer, prepared with a love that can only be described as sisterly.

Bihar and Uttar Pradesh: The Curse That Isn’t 

In parts of Bihar and Uttar Pradesh, the Bhai Dooj tradition is a playful puzzle to outsiders. Sisters might perform a ritual that includes a mock cursing of their brothers, sometimes even a symbolic piercing of the tongue. It sounds harsh, but it’s really an ancient folk ritual—a way for sisters to vent their protective “anger” and then bless their brothers, ensuring they are shielded from all evil. It’s a reminder that sibling relationships, while full of love, are complex, layered, and a little bit wild.

Nepal and the Darjeeling Hills: 

The Seven-Colored Tika Across the border, in Nepal and the surrounding hills, Bhai Tika is a visually stunning affair. Sisters apply a vibrant, seven-colored Saptarangi tilak to their brothers’ foreheads. This colorful mark isn’t just decorative; it’s a powerful prayer for their longevity and protection. The day is a joyous explosion of color, song, and feasting, with beautiful garlands of marigold flowers and delicious meals that last for hours.

Gifts: More Than Just a Box

Gifts have always been a part of Bhai Dooj, but they’ve changed. I remember my brother saving his pocket money to buy me a simple gift. Now, it’s all about personalization. My cousin gave her brother a custom-made photo frame with a picture from our childhood. My brother and I have even started a new tradition: we donate to a charity we both care about, an act of giving that goes beyond just the two of us.

Culinary Celebrations: A Taste of Home

The best part of any festival, in my opinion, is the food. The sweets on Bhai Dooj are more than just recipes—they’re memories. In Maharashtra, our Bhau Beej isn’t complete without my mom’s Basundi Puri and Khirni Puri. The sweet, creamy milk paired with fried puris is pure comfort. In Bengali households, the Sondesh and coconut laddoos are carefully crafted, each one a testament to the love and care that goes into the festival. These dishes, passed down through generations, are a taste of home.

For families like mine, spread across cities and countries, Bhai Dooj has become a mix of old and new. The laughter over a video call, the mailed boxes of homemade sweets, the shared prayers across time zones—all of it keeps the bond strong. The rituals may change, but the core of the festival, the unwavering love between a brother and sister, remains timeless.